I’ve been thinking a lot about confidence and its impact on our decisions, businesses, and lives. There’s a common belief that you need confidence first, that it’s a prerequisite to building a successful business. But the truth is, it’s not about waiting until you feel totally confident (or blissfully un-nervous).
Progress comes from taking action; sometimes with shaky hands, sometimes with your heart pounding, and sometimes while wondering if you should just stay in bed and become a professional duvet tester (which, if we’re being honest, sounds like a dream job—pun fully intended and, hopefully, appreciated).
In conversations with freelancers, I hear a familiar refrain:
“I’ll share my ideas when I feel more confident.”
“I’ll start posting on social media once I feel good enough.”
“I’ll market myself when I’m ready.”
So many of us postpone bold steps, waiting for confidence to magically show up and carry us through the fear. And yes, I’ve fully been there, waiting until I felt more confident to send a letter of introduction or connection request. But confidence doesn’t work that way.
Confidence is built, not bestowed (yeah, I used “bestowed”).
Confidence grows from taking small risks, acting despite butterflies rumbling the stomach, and discovering—again and again—that the “worst-case scenario” rarely materializes. In fact, the folks I see with the deepest, steadiest confidence are often the ones who’ve had more than a few things go wrong; they’ve failed, learned, bounced back, and realized most setbacks aren’t life-altering at all. They often aren’t even day-altering.
The problem for many business owners, especially in the digital age, is that we’re surrounded by high-stakes cautionary tales. We hear about the person who lost a job after one bad online post, or who was “cancelled” over a misstep. These stories are everywhere, from viral headlines to business “what not to do” horror stories. When those tales are everywhere, it’s easy to believe that every new action carries pulse-pounding, career-ending consequences.
No wonder clicking “post” or sending a connection request can feel like walking a virtual tightrope over a pit of snapping internet crocodiles. You start to imagine all the terrible things that could happen, and next thing you know, your finger is hovering over the keyboard as if it’s a detonator.
But here’s what doesn’t make the news: Most business experiments—the everyday things like posting, pitching, or connecting—are far more benign and, honestly, a bit boring. We’re talking about ordinary, garden-variety outcomes like being ignored, getting no likes, or simply not hearing back. Those “risks” are much more likely to result in a shrug than a scandal. In the grand scheme of things, they’re mundane, and yes, survivable.
Honestly, what’s the worst that could happen?
Consider this: You post something on LinkedIn and get crickets. No likes, no comments, less engagement than an Oxford comma debate at a three-year-old’s birthday party. Or maybe you send a connection request that goes ignored.
In the moment, those things can feel huge. It’s easy to let them validate every fear you have about putting yourself out there (and maybe even bring back those lovely high school memories of being picked last for dodgeball). But in reality, they’re usually forgotten almost instantly, by others and, eventually, by you. I’ve had connection requests ignored and usually within a week I’ve forgotten I even sent the request; that’s how little an impact it had.
But still, we let these tiny risks stop us. We equate a simple “no” or no response with something of massive consequence, when most of the time, the stakes are so much lower than our inner critic wants us to believe.
Tips for acting when confidence is lacking:
Use a rule or policy to override your nerves: I have a small rule for myself: If someone views my LinkedIn profile and could be a promising connection—maybe a potential client, industry peer, or just someone interesting at a company I admire—and they don’t send me a request, I go ahead and send them one. I’m never confident they’ll say yes or that it’ll lead to business. Most times, it won’t. But I am confident that, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. I’ve lost nothing except maybe a little bit of time and the comfort of staying unseen. Policies like this can outmuscle your lack of confidence because they give you a script to follow, with no second-guessing allowed. Use similar policies to make it so you have no choice but to take an action, even if it makes you nervous.
Honestly assess the risk: It’s rarely as major as we imagine. At most, you risk a bruised ego, and we all survive those. If it’s something you likely won’t care about in six months, don’t let it stop you today.
Remind yourself you can do scary things: Nerves just mean you’re growing or trying something new. Confidence comes from saying “yes” to things that feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar.
Celebrate process, not outcomes: Don’t wait until the connection is accepted or the contract is signed to feel proud. Celebrate taking the step itself. Courage deserves its own round of applause.
Recognize that confidence is situational: The person who admired my confidence is a teacher. Would I have her confidence in front of a classroom of boisterous eighth graders? Absolutely not. But put me in front of a university class and ask me to speak off-the-cuff for an hour about freelancing careers? No problem. That’s my comfort zone; the place where my experience and expertise meet.
Here’s what I want you to remember: Being nervous before doing something new or something you care about isn’t a sign you lack confidence. It’s a sign you care and you’re growing. Real confidence is knowing that things will be okay, even if the outcome isn’t what you hoped. Confidence comes from courageous action in the face of discomfort, teaching yourself (over and over) that you can handle whatever comes next.
If you’re waiting for complete confidence before moving forward, you might be waiting forever. The truth? You only need a little courage to start. The confidence follows, one brave action at a time.
You can do this, I know you can.
Heidi
PS: Feeling courageous enough to start marketing yourself—nerves and all?
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It won’t help you go viral or make millions overnight, at least not at first. But it will give you practical, proven insights to help you start showing up, connect with the right people, and build momentum (one brave post at a time).
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