Hi friend,
Around 17 years ago, I had just graduated from my writing program. I was keen to get out into the world and make my living, so I signed up for as many networking events as I could. One such event was hosted by one of the local public relations associations.
I took transit downtown and entered a big hall filled with impossibly well-dressed people, all of whom seemed to know each other very well. Immediately I felt like an outsider. I stood around waiting for someone to talk to until a young woman approached me. We chitchatted for a while, and then the topic turned to how much we hate networking events.
“How do you even decide who to talk to?” I asked my new friend.
“Oh, it’s not too hard, I just look for the most nervous looking person in the room and talk to them.”
Friend, I left the event a nanosecond later. It took years for me to go to another event hosted by anyone, that’s how embarrassed I was.
Going to networking events feels like walking into a high school cafeteria at lunchtime and we’re all looking to sit at the popular table—or at least not be the ones seated in a corner by ourselves. But by having high expectations of the networking event (I have to make 10 connections, I have to secure 3 new clients), we put extreme pressure on ourselves, which makes us nervous and even more prone to disaster. Or we react to any minor hiccup as though it’s a disaster and let it derail us.
Having done this a long time (and let’s be clear, I still don’t love networking events), I’ve realized that young Heidi made a few errors in her networking, which led to her perceived embarrassment.
Consider my humiliation a cautionary tale, and learn from my mistakes.
Here’s what I did wrong, and what you can do right.
I wasn’t selective in which networking events I attended
Because I was knew in my career and needed to build my business, I wanted to get out there and meet everyone, but in doing so I signed up for events that had little-to-no relevance to what I wanted to do. I’ve never really cared much about doing public relations, so I had nothing to offer anyone in any PR conversations. Plus, by going to too many events, I burned myself out.
You don’t have to go to everything, nor should you. Be selective. Events that could work for you include:
Those hosted by professional associations in the type of writing/editing you want to do
Industry events in the industry you want to write/edit in, especially if you have prior experience in that industry and can talk about it with others (for example, if you want to write/edit in finance, go to events hosted by financial associations that allow industry-adjacent professionals to attend)
Local chamber of commerce events, but only if you want to work with local business owners. I’ve gone to plenty of chamber events in my time, but stopped because none of the other members were really in my niche
Your energy is a precious resource. Manage it wisely.
I focused on finding clients
My business needed clients, so I viewed every networking event as my last opportunity to meet people who would hire me for projects.
“If I don’t come away from this event with at least 15 business cards and meetings booked with 4 new clients, this event will be a failure and I will be a failure. My business will collapse and I will lose my home and all my friends” is the sort of catastrophic thinking I had.
How could anyone NOT be nervous with that sort of talk in their head?
Yes, you need clients to keep your business going. That’s a given.
But telling yourself you’re a failure based on how you perform in one very high pressure situation is a surefire path to destruction. It’s insanity. It’s like telling yourself before every first date that the date has to lead to marriage.
If you don’t walk away with X business cards or X new clients, you’ll feel like a failure and then you’ll give up on your business.
Instead, I’ve come to view networking as an opportunity to get to know other people, hear about their work and lives, and build relationships with them. If they happen to want to hire me right away, great. But that rarely happens—just like it rarely happens that I meet a lawyer at a networking event at exactly the moment I need a lawyer.
You can’t control whether people need your services on the day they meet you. Instead, focus on getting to know people so that in the future, when they do need a writer or editor, they’ll think of you.
Trust me, that is what happens far more frequently.
I worried too much about what other people were thinking
Much like walking into the aforementioned high school cafeteria at lunch time, we all think everyone is watching us all the time, just waiting for us to embarrass ourselves. We forget that they have their own voices in their head driving their insecurities. Telling them they have to be successful. Worrying about their own humiliation.
Most people are too focused on what’s going on in their head to worry about what we’re doing.
But that’s not what we tell ourselves. We tell ourselves that we have to be perfect, charming, witty, brilliant, and fully put together or our business lives are over. Most people aren’t those things, and definitely not all at once.
Further, most humiliations at an event are so minor they’re forgotten by the next event. How many people even saw me leave that PR event? And even if they did, how many were actually thinking about it the next day?
Almost no one is paying attention to you, except you. And you are much more critical of yourself than anyone else is.
Networking events can be fun, and you can enjoy them. But putting too much pressure on yourself to “make or break” your business at each event isn’t conducive to being relaxed. And the more pressure you feel, the more nervous you’ll be. That comes across when you’re talking to other people.
Instead, go only to events that are relevant to you, focus on building relationships, and stop worrying about what other people think.
They’re busy trying to find clients for their business, too.
Here’s to your business success,
Heidi