Hi Friend,
My birthday was last week. Usually on my birthday I reflect on the past year—what went well, what didn’t, what I would change, how my life is progressing. The sort of thing one writes about in their journal and then forgets about the next day (or is that just me?).
Of course, this past year has been one of the toughest. My mom died in June. My dad died a few years ago so I’ve now joined the ranks of the parentless. It feels weird to say in your mid-40s, but it also feels like a strange existence. You have parents until all of a sudden you don’t.
Other things have happened. I started a Substack (actually, multiple Substacks). I’ve gotten more involved in social media (I’m even back on Twitter, which surprises me as much as it surprises anyone else). I’m no longer head of content at a marketing agency.
The idea of thinking about what went well and didn’t seemed ridiculous in the face of all the upheaval in the last year. So instead, I reflected on lessons I learned (or relearned) in the past 12 months.
Don’t let little things push you into chaos
In recent years I’ve realized I crave peace. Now that I’ve (somewhat) found it, I work hard to keep it. Yes, things happen that upset me (like a client who still owes me a few thousand dollars and doesn’t seem to understand the meaning of the word “tomorrow”). But instead of letting it push me into a bad mood or send me into a spiral, I reflect on it first.
I ask myself, “Is this worth losing my inner peace over?”
The truth is, very few things are. Most of the time, we’re reacting to an inconvenience, not something earth shattering. Generally speaking, this will pass and things will be okay.
The problem with letting small things push us into chaos is everything, big or small, feels equally devastating. We can no longer tell the difference between something that will truly upend our life and something we’ll forget about by tomorrow.
Everything and everyone else controls our mood.
It’s not that I’m never pushed over the edge. But when I don’t let the minor things upset my inner peace, I have more energy and attention to focus on the major challenges.
(Mostly. I’m still a work in progress. And I’m still pushing to be paid the few thousand dollars I’m owed.)
Be intentional with your time
We trade so much of our time for money, thinking we just need to make a bit more. But the truth is, the one thing we can’t create more of for ourself is time. We can find ways to get more money, or to spend less, but once a moment is gone, it’s gone.
We might have to spend some time in each of our days doing work we don’t love—that’s life. But letting it seep into our personal time, letting clients dictate our hours or disrespect our need for rest, taking on too many projects and working ourselves to exhaustion day after day for the sake of a few dollars more.
The only person who is entitled to dictate your time and energy is you.
Take control of your time by setting boundaries and being intentional. Don’t just do something because someone asked you to.
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown has a lot to say about owning your time.
Iterate, iterate, iterate
Like me, almost everything is a work in progress. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s to keep moving forward.
It’s always better to put something out there and improve upon it than wait until it’s perfect. Sometimes good enough is, well, good enough.
Strive for progress, not perfection. You’ll be willing to try more things, your confidence won’t be as shaken by missteps, and you’ll generally be happier.
Besides, perfect is almost always boring.
Look for the kindness in any situation
My mom’s death was hard, but there was so much kindness around me and my sister that it helped us (or me at least) get through. A stranger who knew our mom hugged us in the middle of the grocery store, told us how sorry she was, and walked away without introducing herself. Our family rallied around us, brought us food, and made us feel loved.
Kindness can’t erase the bad in a truly terrible situation, but it can give you something to hold onto—a reminder of all the good in the world. It’s a light when things feel bleak. It’s support when you’re finding ways to move forward.
When you feel your worst look for the kindness.
When in doubt, do what fills your spirit
I like doing client work, but I’ve discovered I love helping people with their freelance career. I’m my happiest when I’m marking assignments for learners or writing posts for this newsletter.
I realized recently that all my most intense flow states (previously commonly referred to as being “in the zone”) happened when I was writing this newsletter or crafting announcements for my course. An hour or two can go by without my even realizing it.
Recognizing that’s what fills my spirit, I’ve decided to spend more time focusing on building this newsletter and running courses. I’ll still do client work, of course, but knowing what brings me joy enables me to better guide my time and energy.
If you’re wondering what to do, explore the things that fill your spirit. Identify what puts you in a flow state. Even if you can’t do that 100% of the time, doing more of it in your life will make you infinitely happier.
Here’s to your freelance success,
Heidi
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