Having boundaries doesn't make you difficult to work with
Hi Friend,
A tendency many freelancers have—especially when they start their business—is saying “yes” to everything the client demands. They want to be seen as easy to work with, so—much like any improv comedy troupe—“no” appears to not be in their vocabulary.
After all, easy to work with is nice, isn’t it? When you say “yes” to everything, clients have no reason not to come back to you. You’re so agreeable! Why wouldn’t they love working with you?
Why do freelancers do this?
Maybe because we’re people pleasers. Maybe because we don’t want to be seen as “difficult.” Maybe because we’re used to being employees, and it’s difficult for employees to say “no” to their bosses. Maybe because we deeply want these people to work with us again. And send their friends to us.
So we put up with a lot. We allow repeated meetings that accomplish nothing other than wasting our time. We allow ourselves to be told what to do, even if we know better. We deal with clients making unreasonable demands or taking advantage of our kindness because, we tell ourselves, they’ll work with us again and that will make it all worthwhile.
But, gentle reader, there’s an important secret about freelancing (and about life):
Having boundaries doesn’t make you difficult
(Stop, breathe, and read that again to make sure it sinks in.)
You are not difficult just because you have boundaries.
Having unexpressed and inconsistent boundaries makes you difficult to work with. But having reasonable boundaries that are consistent may actually make you easier to work with. And in the long run, boundaries are vital to your business.
Remember being a kid? There was often at least one adult in your life who had an inconsistent temper, right? They’d let you get away with stuff time after time, but rather than saying “no,” when they had enough, they went all Incredible Hulk on you.
All of a sudden the hammer came down, but you didn’t know what you’d done to anger them. You had no way of knowing when they’d decide enough was enough, all you’d know is that everything seemed fine…until all of a sudden, without warning, it wasn’t.
That’s what it’s like for clients when you have inconsistent and unexpressed boundaries. They get used to you being fine with them adding work or rushing a project (or putting it off for months before they decide it’s urgent) so they have no reason to think it’s a problem.
When you set boundaries that you stick to, your clients know what to expect from you. That makes you easy to work with. It’s not about saying “yes” to everything until you burn out and quit in a rage, it’s about being consistent and communicative with your clients.
What does setting boundaries look like?
You can set boundaries in your proposal, your quotes for work or your letters of agreement. This can include how long it takes you to complete rounds of work, when you’re available for meetings, how many meetings you include in your quote, and how much work you’re including in the price.
I don’t always express commonly held boundaries. For example, I don’t tell clients that I don’t respond to emails on the weekend because I feel that should be a norm for most people (and I don’t expect anyone to respond to my emails on the weekend, either). Instead, I simply don’t respond on weekends. If a client has difficulty with that, they can bring it to my attention.
Now, if I were only responding to emails on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays (maybe due to other time commitments), I would let clients know that. If I could only take meetings on Mondays and Tuesdays, I would let clients know that, as well.
If I’m willing to shift a boundary, I let the client know that I’m doing it as a one-time scenario.
For example, let’s say a client wants work done in one week but I’ve told them 10 days. If there’s a possibility of the work being done more quickly, I’ll send the client a message that reads, “I understand you want this work done by next Tuesday. As of now, I won’t be able to complete it until Thursday. If my schedule opens up or my other projects are completed more quickly, your project will become my top priority. However, at this point, I can’t guarantee it will be completed before Thursday.”
This message acknowledges that they want the work done more quickly, but that I may not be able to do so. I’m still expressing my boundary and giving myself the space to take the full time to complete the project. But I’m also allowing for the possibility that I’ll get to it more quickly without setting an expectation that I’ll be able to do so this time or any other time in the future.
And, of course, I offer clients a loophole for violating some of my boundaries—I charge fees. I charge additional for extra meetings, rush fees, or anything beyond the scope of the work. That fee is based on what amount of money makes the violation worthwhile to me while charging the client enough to make them rethink whether they want the work done that badly.
The important take-away is this: Having boundaries doesn’t make you difficult. Having clear, consistent, and (often) communicated boundaries is kind because it sets expectations. When you clearly communicate how you work and what you will and won’t do, you’re being easy to work with. Anyone who doesn’t recognize that probably isn’t the best client for you.
Here are some of my boundaries (most of which are related to how much I value my time):
I won’t respond to emails on the weekend
I will only (except in rare circumstances) take meetings after 10:00 am Pacific time (I spent too much of my early years waking up before the roosters to meet with people in the Eastern time zone, and I am not at my best before 10:00 am)
I don’t let people book meetings with me on less than 24 hours’ notice without my consent (I rarely give my consent)
I expect clients to meet the deadlines I’ve set for them
My time is to be respected, and clients who don’t respect my time don’t work with me for very long
My boundaries are based on one of my values: that my time is just as important as my clients’. I respect my time and I set boundaries accordingly. My clients don’t have to respect my time—I can’t force them to—but they have to respect my boundaries or I won’t work with them again.
You don’t have to use these as your boundaries—set whatever expectations you need based on your values.
If you want to read more about boundaries, here are some of my other posts:
Dealing with unreasonable deadlines
Establishing boundaries for success
Here’s to your ongoing freelance success,
Heidi
PS, it’s not too late to register for my Editors Canada webinar, Grow Your Practice with LinkedIn, where I give uncomplicated and practical advice on using LinkedIn to find your clients and earn more money. I won’t teach you how to get 1 million connections, but I will get you started on the path. Join me on April 30 at 1 pm EST (10:00 am PST).